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My Mind Wanders

I can't practice before sleep. I fall asleep as soon as my body touches the bed.

I  learned  and practiced 'Breath Watching' meditation in a week long camp. At home I practiced for a about a week. I did not find any benefit. So I gave up totally, may be because I had lot of expectations.

What is the principle behind 'feeling the coolness' of in-breaths?

Why count during the Out-Breaths?

I don't drink water during meal but after that I drink lot of water. Why do you suggest to drink water before eating and not during eating and immediately after? 

I have some muscle injury in my back that is not healing as fast as we anticipated despite physical therapy

How can I control negative thoughts?

Many People are inclined towards Meditation

Q. I think 'counting breaths' is a kind of meditation. Your advice to practice when lying in bed and using it as a sleep aid, is against the fundamentals of meditation.

A. You are right. This is a question of great implications. Let us explore it patiently, in depth.

 There is in every one of us, a tremendous resistance to making even a little change in our existing thinking or behaving, just like the drug addicts’ resistance to giving up drugs. Whenever one part of us attempts a change, a second part of us desperately looks for a way to avoid making even the tiniest change. The second part invariably succeeds barring some very exceptional people or those who have experienced serious life situations because of their habits. .

 Against this serious handicap, the strict guidelines prescribed in traditional teaching of meditation serve as excellent excuses. Aspiring beginners conveniently use these escape routes, to avoid making even a beginning. Even those who begin with a lot of enthusiasm, are overtaken by the internal resistance, succumb to it and give up. The traditional teaching style is all set up for failure. Proof of this is in the fact that less than 1% of people practice meditation of any kind, in spite of free or low cost classes offered by dedicated teachers. This has been the case since thousands of years.

 When a beginner practices something new spending useful time and making a serious effort of sitting in an unusual posture with discomfort, she expects some tangible benefit, even a speck of it. If she does not find it, she immediately gives it up as a useless practice or concludes that meditation is not for a person like her. She is back to square one or level zero and the traditional teacher is happy to blame her for lack of commitment and write her off.

 This is the main reason for great majority of people being deprived from even a little benefit from meditation, though they badly need it. Traditional teaching of meditation, in an attempt to make the practice perfect and give the best results, laid down the ideal guidelines for practicing meditation, like place, posture and time, mode etc. These ideal conditions did not succeed in enabling common people like me and you, practice meditation, since thousands of years. How can they work now, in this age of TV, computers, cell phones and text massages?

 This method 'counting breaths' is also one of the ancient methods taught by the great Budha, the scientist, to train the perpetually wandering mind to get into the groove of concentration, which is the basic requirement for any kind of meditation. Beginners are advised to sit cross legged and count breaths. I have seen, that like myself, hardly any one is attracted to even try in this manner. I found in experimenting on myself, that 'counting breaths' even lying in bed, has a distinct relaxing effect on mind and body. It is correct that the benefit is a fraction of what one would gain, by sitting practice.

 If "you can", you do have the option of practicing in sitting position and enjoy greater benefits as explained broadly in my Level 3 description. If you are not able to do this way, do you want to totally deprive yourself of any degree of benefit, for all your life? By creating only the extreme choices of sitting practice with say ten units of benefit and not practicing at all, with zero units of benefit, 99% of the overall population are deprived of even one unit of benefit.

 By creating the kindergarten option of lying down practice, we open an innocuous and friendly looking back door into the house of meditation, whose front entrance is very intimidating for toddlers like us on the path of meditation. Lying down practice is for all of us, who are not inclined or unable to sit and practice. Why not do it somehow and gain some tiny benefit, get used to enjoying it without feeling guilty that we are violating some sacred practice, gradually weaken the internal resistance and then graduate if we like, to the next step of sitting practice? Does this not appeal to common sense, provided we stop being afraid of traditions and teachers? You can experiment with both options and adopt whatever practice you can adopt successfully. But don't fall into the trap of zero practice with zero benefits. The traditional teachers will be happy to condemn you.   

Q.  I  learned and practiced 'Breath Watching' meditation in a week long camp. At home, I practiced for a about a week. I did not find any benefit. So I gave up totally. may be because I had lot of expectations.  

A. Majority of people who attend such training sessions have similar experience. You are right. It is because of unrealistic expectations. Moreover, you were asked by your teachers to practice the method sitting formally like in meditation. This is the basic problem with all traditional methods and their teachers, due to which generations of people have been deprived from the potential benefits. It is like a toddler told to walk, falling down a few times, thinking he can never do it and totally  giving up. His parents also give up. He wold end up sitting or crawling forever! 

We rightly expect some result  from day one when we devote time and effort. Fair enough. But a beginner has a mountain of negatives thoughts and self doubts accumulated since childhood. Dissolving them is like removing a small stone at a time from that mountain. Getting into the habit of counting breaths needs only the idle or wasted times of the mind. It does  not demand any effort, if you follow the suggestions in 'Counting Breaths'.  

The basic solution for this failure is not to demand any time or effort from the beginner and make his expectations practically zero. Let him practice lying down in bed, only when needing to sleep. His investment of useful time and effort is zero. He can't complain. But in return, he gets sleep much easier and enjoys better quality of sleep, wakes up fresher than before. Investment is zero but there is definitely some return in the form of better sleep. Hence the return on investment is infinity! He can't complain but should feel happy. Thus, the practice becomes attractive and gradually becomes an automatic habit.

Read more on this basic problem and solution in my detailed article 'Who is controlling Your Mind? Not You'

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Q. I have some muscle injury in my back that is not healing as fast as we anticipated, despite physical therapy.

A. I am sorry to know you are suffering. I feel the first therapy in such cases should be to relax the affected muscles 100% to feel as though they are made of soft rubber. Please use 'Counting Breaths' for PROLONGED periods like 30 - 45 - 60 minutes. Believe me, it does wonders. I have experienced this. DO this as many times as possible during day and night.  

The posture to adopt can vary, depending on the injury site - lying on the floor on a thick blanket, sitting in a properly curved back chair, sitting cross legged etc. Avoid stressing the injured muscles and avoid a soft bed. 

The most common thing that happens in such situations is this. Whenever we feel pain,we tend to automatically contract the hurting muscles and the surrounding ones. This perhaps results in reduced blood flow to the injured muscles, exactly the opposite of what they need to heal. The solution is to loosen the stubbornly tight muscles is to practice the 911 method. It helps a lot, by practically forcing the blood to flow to all parts of the body, including the tense and hurting muscles. Practice this method repeatedly, especially in the morning, as soon as you wake up and whenever you feel pain, for prolonged periods of 20-30-60 minutes. Practice 911 for a few a minute or two and switch over to the Basic Method for 5-10 minutes. Then switch back to 911 for 1-2 minutes. I have been testing this method daily for the last few months and have been rewarded with very good results. My body condition including the hurting muscles changes dramatically by this dual practice.Believe me and test it out. Again, for prolonged periods. 

Let me know if you have any questions and how you actually practiced and the consequent experience. All these mindbody techniques are useless if they do not help us practically in coming out of such difficult situations.

Q. I don't drink water during meal but after that I drink lot of water. Why do you suggest to drink water before eating and not during eating and immediately after?

A. I have understood and been practicing this way and found it useful -

Do not drink while eating :
Digestion needs acid (hydrochloric acid) secreted into the stomach, not water. This acid comes from the glands and they take the required water from the blood. If we drink water during eating, we are diluting the acid and making the process of digestion inefficient. So - do not drink while eating. This is difficult, if you are trying to gulp food without fully chewing it. If you continue to chew till the food in the mouth becomes a liquid and only then swallow it, you will not feel like drinking water while eating. And most rewarding is - the food really tastes good and sweet when a lot of saliva is mixed with finely chewed food. If you are eating without time constraint, chew and enjoy the full taste of food. Try it and see the difference.  

Moreover, the glands releasing saliva draw required water from blood. Thus blood loses a lot of water during digestion and some it is said that it becomes thicker after eating due to loss of water for above two reasons. This is the reason why we feel drowsy after heavy eating as thicker blood is supplied to the brain.  

Thus there is a need to fully charge the blood with water before eating. 

Drink before eating:
It makes sense to fully charge the blood with water before eating. But when food enters the stomach, there should not be water in it, as this will dilute the acid. So, drink 2 full glasses 1/2 hour before eating, so that the water goes out of stomach, into the small intestine in about 1/2 hour and enters the blood before we eat.

Do not drink after eating till 2-3 hours:
As said before, food needs acid in its original concentration, undiluted by water. Digestion takes 2-3 hours for normal food. So during this period of digestion, do not dilute the acid by drinking water. 

After 2-3 hours, the stomach has completed digestion and we can load it with as much of water as we like, to restore its normal water content and loss due to many reasons including sweating and loss of some water even during breathing out.  

If you are convinced don't try to change drastically. Make small changes over a few weeks and evaluate. 

Q. How can I control negative thoughts?

A. Your mind (not you!*) has been passively watching the negative thoughts, mostly the same thoughts,  recurring for many years. How can it change this habit, that has gone so deep due to repetition, in a few weeks or months? (*See the difference between you and your mind in this article)

 Believe me, that negative thoughts will slowly get weakened, due to effective and prolonged meditation. I say this from my experience. But this will not happen with twenty minute sessions of meditation, as suggested by some teachers. Twenty minutes may be sufficient, as a maintenance dose, after the chronic problems are eliminated from the roots, by prolonged meditation sessions of one to one and half hours almost every day.   

Here are some excerpts from my article ‘Mind, It’s nature and training’ related to control of negative thoughts.

- The process of mental conditioning that keeps us in the prison of negative mode, starts from birth. A child’s mind is injected with 450 negatively colored massages and 75 positively colored messages in a day, by the elders. Hence, we develop a great appetite for negative thoughts, negative news and negative gossip, about ourselves and others.  The mind gets addicted to negative thoughts, due to round the clock repetition of the negatives. It feels restless, when it is not busy with negative thoughts. Positive thoughts seem tasteless and boring. 

- Mind is like a field and thoughts are like plants. Negative thoughts are like weeds and positive thoughts are like useful plants. The attention we pay to any  thought, is like watering a plant. The response we show to a thought, is like fertilizing the plant. By paying attention and showing response, we grow negative thoughts into giant trees with deep roots. Naturally it requires lot of effort and time, to uproot these deep seated negative thoughts. But it is not difficult. What is required is plain persistence. Believe me.   

            - The nature of mind is such, that it can have only one thought at a time. Here is an analogy.  In the circus show, there is a stool, on which only one animal can sit at a time. Their trainer decides which animal should sit on the stool at any time - either the lion, or the goat. He first orders the lion sit on the stool. He then goads it, to get off the stool. It gets off with lot of growling. He then orders the goat onto the stool, the lion watching this insult. After all, he is the king of the forest! Once the goat is seated, the lion has no place on the stool. It has to await till the goat vacates the place on the stool. Similarly, you the trainer or master of your mind, get to decide what thought should sit on your mental platform at any point of time. When you decide to place the sensation of coolness of in-breath on your mental platform, there is no place for any other thought, at that moment. After a few moments, when you are not watching intently, some unwanted thought pushes out the breath sensation and enters the mind. When you realize this encroachment, simply reinstall the breath sensation in the mind, without getting upset or angry at the intruding thought. As you repeatedly enforce your ownership right over your mind, by reinstalling the thought of coolness of breath and counting during out-breath, the unwanted thoughts realize they do not get the usual passive or warm reception. They feel ignored and humiliated. They will gradually decrease their visiting frequency and duration. After many months or years, they will not even attempt to enter the mind. You lose the appetite for negative thoughts totally.

We can adopt one of the following strategies to avoid prolonged presence of negative thoughts.                 -Imagine a known person opening your front door and peeping in You are certainly not interested in his visit at this time. You wish he had not shown his face. But you do not want to be uncivil or impolite. You bravely put up a happy face and invite him to come in. He feels welcomed, enters your living room, and settles down on the sofa. You continue the act of making him feel welcome by offering him coffee and snacks. Then, he thanks you and goes out. He reenters with his wife, who was just waiting outside the door. You continue to treat both of them well, again out courtesy. Then he goes out again, this time bring his children and grand children. All these uninvited and unwanted guests settle down comfortably in your house and enjoy your hospitality. You are raging mad internally. But being too nice a person, you do not ask them to leave and suffer silently. Now, imagine the opposite scenario. Suppose, as soon as the first person peeps in, you pretend that you did not see him and continue to read the news paper or watch TV. Or even if you notice him, you pretend you have to go out on an urgent task and ask him politely if he would please visit some other time. He would feel ignored and insulted and leave immediately. You are relieved from entertaining him and all the members of his family.

             - A negative thought is like a bird, flying high, above your head. If you show interest, it descends on your head. You continue to show your interest and feed it. In a few days, it will build a nest on your head. In due course, it lays eggs and creates a family of birds. Now you feel mad about all these unwanted bird family chirping in your ears. Your strategy towards them is same as above. Do not pay any attention to the bird passing above your head. It will quietly fly away.

             -  A negative thought is like the engine of a freight train passing through the station without needing to stop. You are waiting at the train station watching for your train. If you do not divert your attention from the engine of the passing freight train, you will see the complete chain of freight cars, and get busy, may be even counting them. But, if you look away as soon as you see the engine, you will not get busy watching so many freight cars.   

Stray negative thoughts appearing and disappearing, is harmless. Avoiding them is not the goal. Preventing a chain of related negative thoughts from building up is critical. Your simple strategy is to shift your mental attention to breath, as soon as you see a negative thought, any time, any place, or during the meditation practice. It is as simple and easy as this. The negative thought then quietly disappears. This ideal situation will be reached gradually, over time. After a long time, even single negative thoughts will not appear, let alone chains of them. I say this with conviction, born out of personal experience.

        The process of giant trees of negative thoughts drying up and finally dying, takes a lot of time, depending on how deep are their roots. It happened only after I practiced meditation for an hour every day, on some days two times, for more than 4 years. I could not achieve this through ‘Counting Breaths’ practice alone. I had to practice some complementary methods as well. I read many books from the local library, explaining how feelings, attitudes, thoughts and actions affect a person’s health. I used some of their strategies. But, I was seeing tiny improvements in my body and mind, even in the early stages, which encouraged me to continue with pleasure. Please monitor and record objectively, the occurrence and duration of negative thoughts in your mind, to become aware of your progress and feel encouraged.                 

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Q. I can't practice before sleep. I fall asleep as soon as my body touches the bed. 

A. I hear this comment some times. I read some health related books touching on this topic. They explain that it is a healthy sign, to take about 20 minutes to fall asleep. If you fall sleep immediately, you are technically sleep deprived. This could be due to less hours of sleep than what you need or poor quality of sleep in spite of adequate hours. 

Poor quality of sleep may be for violation of well known sleep hygiene guidelines. Most important among them are - fix a bedtime and an awakening time, avoid napping during the day, avoid alcohol 4-6 hours before bedtime, avoid caffeine 4-6 hours before bedtime, avoid heavy, spicy, or sugary foods 4-6 hours before bedtime, exercise regularly, but not right before bed, use comfortable bedding, find a comfortable temperature setting for sleeping and keep the room well ventilated, block out all distracting noise and reserve the bed for sleep and sex and use it for nothing else.

If you are within the above guidelines, the cause may be poor quality of sleep due to snoring etc. If such factors are suspected, an over night sleep study in a sleep lab will pin point the exact reason and the specialist will recommend remedies. I have seen some persons suffer badly due to abnormal day time sleepiness but they had no clue. A sleep study revealed snoring. Their whole life changed for better, after using a standard device for maintaining continuous positive airway pressure as it totally eliminated snoring.

Correct any of the above factors. If you still fall asleep immediately, I suggest to practice in bed whenever your wake up mid sleep and need to fall back to sleep, or as soon as you wake early morning but do not feel as fresh as a baby. How charming is a baby's face and how she bubbles with energy on waking up! Why do we adults fail to achieve that freshness? We can achieve it, using 'counting breaths’ creatively.                                                                                 

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Q. What is the principle behind 'feeling the coolness' of in-breaths?

A. The basic principle behind most meditation practices is to keenly but calmly observe 1) what is going on - in the mind, body and surroundings, 2) understand them in the right perspective and then 3) apply one's judgment about the action to be taken if any. But our habits run in the opposite direction. We do not even observe and even if we observe, we misinterpret and confuse the passing phenomena with our own selves. 

To make a beginning in this direction, we have to develop the capacity for sustained and passive observation,  without the mind wandering off every few seconds or getting agitated. For this purpose, we have to train it in passive concentration. The process is similar to training a newly acquired dog or monkey. Among many practices for developing concentration, focusing repeatedly on breath, is perhaps the easiest method, as it is readily available in own self all the time, from the time of birth to death. 

After I read this advice in a book and tried to focus on breath, I couldn't. How to focus on breath? It is just invisible air. But on persistent observation, I found that whenever the air goes in during the in-breath, I could sense slight coolness inside the nostrils. This was a concrete sensation I could hang on to. This clue helped in my initial practice and continues till now. Since then I have been advocating it. It is simple and really helpful. It works for children and very old people as well.           

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Q. I find that many people are inclined towards meditation. 

A. Many people attend some programs on meditation and practice for a few days or weeks and gradually drop off the practice. This happens because the mind has not been made ready for even beginning of meditation. It is like a farmer throwing seeds in the field, without preparing the soil or as more dramatically said “it is like throwing seeds on concrete’. The seeds will never become plants and there will never be a harvest. I have seen many people ending up frustrated, concluding they are unfit for meditation. This is not true. Every one is capable of meditation. Every one is unique. All will progress but at different rates as in any other skill or habit.    

In my proven approach, there are 3 phases in the journey towards meditation – 

Phase III: Then comes Meditation, which will then stick on and give guaranteed and unbelievable results.

After a few years of Meditation, you will feel like a lion, the king of forest, which is your real nature. Till that time, a person lives like a donkey, not realizing that one is really a lion. Of course the condition of the donkey will go on gradually improving, even during Phase I. I have experienced this myself and seen in many others. 

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Q. Why should one count during the Out-Breaths? 

A. This is a beginner’s strategy. We have acquired the habit of constant wandering of mind over many years. It is extremely difficult to maintain attention on the out-breaths, as there  is practically no sensation, unlike the in-breaths, during which there is a faint but distinct coolness. Counting 'one,one,one ." so on, like a chant, during the out-breaths, is to maintain the continuity of attention to breaths. We automatically count numbers in a sequence, without the attention wandering. When the breaths are linked to counting numbers, the continuity of attention to breath also becomes automatic. The new habit of paying continuous attention to breath builds up faster.

When one starts enjoying the comfort from 'Counting Breaths' over a few months, one can decide to stop counting and focus only on the coolness of in-breaths. One can then feel breath intermittently, during many active periods, like listening to people, working on computer, driving ...so on. 

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My Mind Wanders

 Q. As soon as I begin 'Counting Breaths', my mind jumps away. I don't think this method is for people like me. It is only for those who have some initial degree of concentration.

 A. No, No and No.

Everybody's mind wanders, not only yours. When we posed this problem to an Indian monk, she said her mind also wandered, in spite of years of intense meditation practice! 
Every time it wanders, don't blame it, or yourself, just as you won't blame a toddler for falling, when trying to walk for the first time. The fact you realize it's wandering and wish to reduce it, is the first clear sign of success.  'Counting Breaths' is a PRE-KG  method for developing concentration, specially developed for your kind of people, just entering the school of concentration.

Simply bring your mind back to coolness of in-breaths and count during the out-breaths.As you irregularly continue the practice, you will find your mind wandering a tiny bit less, for each month of practice. You will become tolerant towards your wandering toddler mind. Tiny bits of progress continue. You will not feel frustrated any more .You will begin enjoying the gradual progress and the comfort it gives you. Test it, and you will see it happening as many like you did. Don't use this common initial experience as an excuse and stop the practice. Our minds love their long established habits, specially the wandering habit. When we make any humble attempt to make the mind concentrate on any one thing, it constantly looks for some escape holes, even pin holes, just like a prisoner trying desperately to escape. 

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 Q. In your last e-mail you asked me how I was doing in the relaxation technique you have recommended. Well, I tried it, but found that my mind starts wandering very soon, and it is hard to concentrate. I think your technique is helpful in inducing sleep, only if you can concentrate on your breathing long enough.

 A. The fact you tried the method and taken the trouble to mail your feedback, gives me confidence that this method suits you and is within your capability. Some of my friends for whom the method was not suitable, were not even willing to try it, in spite of my repeated friendly reminders. They had strong mental blocks.

Your observation of mind frequently wandering and not concentrating on coolness of breath, is true for every beginner. Your experience is as expected, very common and nothing exceptional.  The fact that this method helped a variety of people is detailed in the anecdotes of  benefits, should give you lot of confidence. Read them to see the varieties of people who benefited and the range of benefits they gained.

 Please clarify some fundamental points given in the Basic Method.
1. Are you able to feel the slight coolness inside the nose during the in-breath?
2. Are you counting during the out-breaths?
3. Are you restarting counting from 'one, one,one ..' whenever you forget counting?

 If these initial steps are not being followed, the simple and easy method is not being correctly practiced. Your practice needs to be immediately corrected. Let me assume you are doing above things comfortably and share some thoughts.

 - Do not bother one bit, when the counting of out-breaths gets disrupted. It is absolutely normal for every one of us, more so in the initial stage. Even a monk meditating for decades told that her mind also wandered. Because of frequent practice, wandering gets less and less progressively. The standard books on meditation also emphasize this point clearly.

- Let the mind wander any number of times. Every time counting is forgotten due to some disturbing sounds or thoughts or body sensations like pain, itching or stiffness – simply and immediately start feeling the coolness of in-breath and start counting the out-breaths from 'one, one ...' again. Do this every time, without feeling discouraged, frustrated or angry. Do not feel bad about anything - your mind, yourself, your past experiences, any person, the method or any outside disturbance that distracted you. Handle this mind wandering phenomena, as you calmly handle the natural phenomena like rain, sun or snow. You do not complain about them but handle those situations in our own way, to keep going to your destination. 

- Do not feel happy or unhappy about how high or how low number of breaths are counted, before the break in counting. Let the number counted go on changing, higher or lower. It has no significance, just ignore it. Thinking about this, is a diversionary tactic of mind. Don't fall prey for it's monkey tricks.

- Feeling of satisfaction or dissatisfaction about your practice is another diversionary tactic of mind. It is desperate to prevent your concentration on feeling the coolness of in-going air and counting the out-breaths. The mind plays lot of tricks to revert to its addicted to mode of wandering. It feels very uncomfortable being guided by you. It has till now been leading you like a slave, whenever and wherever it wanted. Now you are trying to lead it, by becoming the master. Naturally it does not like this reversed role of a slave.

- Thoughts about not getting sleep are also distracting thoughts. Let these thoughts not dominate you or demoralize you. Whenever you get thoughts related to sleep, bring the mind back to coolness of in-breath - again and again. Let there be no sleep but only feeling of coolness of in-breaths and counting them. Let us see how long this continues. Feeling coolness gives comfort and soothes the mind and body whereas other thoughts create stress and discomfort in the mind. Gradually the mind starts liking the comforting practice of feeling the coolness rather than the discomforting thoughts. After some time, you will feel your muscles loosening and drowsiness creeping in slowly and you will be sleeping happily, soon after that!

- Initially, it is a test of patience and persistence. Recollect yourself as a child  just learning to walk. How many times you had fallen and impatiently got up, to try again, without bothering about the pain you might have felt. Till you learned to walk, this falling and immediately trying again, went on at a feverish pace for a few days, though your parents might have been worried. Till you learned to walk, this great effort was going on and on irrespective of what the observers were saying. We lose that kind of determination as we grow up and try new skills or develop new habits.  

Do keep on trying, with the above points in mind. I am absolutely sure you will succeed.
 (I met this person many months after this mail. I found her face significantly changed to a brighter and smiling look. She said she was practicing it only to fall asleep. She found it to be effective and very happy.)

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